Jokes

GO STEELERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cleveland, Ohio (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the center of an Erie
County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who
should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his
parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping
with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be
maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he
proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly
refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with
his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After
considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that
domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took
the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have
custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer
with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the
Cleveland Browns, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating
anyone.

Ron D'Ascenzo
Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

A. The Cleveland Browns
Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and Billy Graham have in common?

A. They both can make 70,000+ people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."

Q. How do you keep a Cleveland Brown out of your yard?

A Put up goal posts.

Q. Where do you go in Cleveland in case of a tornado?

A. Cleveland Browns Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

Q. What do you call a Cleveland Brown with a Super Bowl ring?

A. A thief

Q. Why doesn't Columbus have a professional football team?

A. Because then Cleveland would want one.

Q. What's the difference between the Cleveland Browns and a dollar bill?

A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and possums have in common?

A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

FINALLY
Q. How many Cleveland Browns does it take to win a Super Bowl?

A. Nobody knows, and we may never find out..LMAO

In a school just outside of Cincinnati, a first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a Bengal's fan. She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Bengal's fans too.

Not really knowing what a Bengal's fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all went up into the air. However, there was one exception. A little boy named Timmy had not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different ... "Because I am not a Steelers fan" says Timmy.

The teacher then asked, "What are you?"

Timmy sayed "I'm a Steelers fan."

The teacher was a little perturbed now, her face slightly red, she asked Timmy why he was a Steelers fan.

" Well, my mom and dad are Steeler's fans so I'm a Steelers fan too."

The teacher was now angry. "That's no reason" she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot?"

Timmy smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Bengal's fan."

One day, while driving along, I saw a priest.

I thought I would do a good deed, so I pulled over and asked the priest,
"Where are you going Father?"

"I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the
road," replied the priest.

"Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"

The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road.

Suddenly, I saw a Bengal fan walking down the road, with that "B" shirt
on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him.

But, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time. Even though I was
certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD." Not
understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but still
didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest
and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Bengal fan."

"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."

Three football fans were on their way to watch the games when one noticed
a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They
stopped and discovered a beautiful nude female dead drunk. Out of respect
and propriety, the Steelers fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The
49ers fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the
Browns fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his
inspection.

First, he lifted up the Steelers cap, replaced it, and wrote down some
notes.
Next, he lifted the 49ers cap, replaced it, and wrote down some
more notes.

The officer then lifted the Browns cap, replaced it, then
lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.

The Browns fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something?
Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"

"Well," said the officer, "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look
under a Browns hat, I find an asshole."

Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon, a Bengals fan, a Browns fan, a Steelers fan, and a Ravens fan. They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them was the most "die-hard" fan.

Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Ravens fan proclaimed to the other four...
"This is for the Baltimore Ravens!" and promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice.

Not to be outdone by a Ravens fan, the Bengals fan
jumped up and said... "This is for the Cincinatti Bengals!" and then threw himself off the mountain again as a form of sacrifice.

Refusing to be outdone by the Ravens and Bengals fans, the Steelers fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs "This is for the Pittsburgh Steelers!" and without any hesitation, pushed the Cleveland Browns fan off the mountain.

How did Brian Billick (Raven's head coach) get his team to stand up during the National Anthem?

He had the PA announcer start with "Would the defendant please rise?"

A Pittsburgh Steelers fan, a Cleveland Browns fan and a Cincinnati Bengals fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers (Otis, Braun and Johnson), they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping. "The Browns fan was first in line so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Browns fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying in pain when the punishment was finished.

The Bengals fan was next and after watching the scene said, "Alright!! Please fix TWO pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Bengals fan out crying like a little girl.

The Steelers fan was the last one up but before he could say anything the Sheik turned to him and said, "You support a great team, your supporters are some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have TWO wishes!

"Thanks your most Royal Highness," the Steelers fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not twenty lashes, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What will it be?

"Tie the Bengals fan to my back."

Football practice was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours for the Browns. While on his way to the locker room, one of the players happened to look down and noticed a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

The head coach immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis,the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

A guy from Nebraska, a guy from Cleveland, and a guy from Pittsburgh are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish. That's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The guy from Nebraska says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Nebraska." With a blink of the Genie's eye - 'POOF' - the land in Nebraska was forever made fertile for farming.

The guy from Cleveland was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall built around Ohio, so that no Steeler fans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye - 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around Ohio.

The Steeler fan says, "I'm curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

The Steeler fan says, "Fill it up with water."

The Steelers had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to Coach Cowher and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, Cowher shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said. "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in North Park when one is suddenly attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and shoves it under the dogs collar, twisting it to save his friend.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident. "Penguin fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Penguins fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we are in Pittsburgh I just assumed you were," said the reporter.

"Steelers fan rescues friend from horrific attack," he continued writing in his notebook.

"I'm not a Steelers fan either," the boy said.

"Oh! I assumed everyone in Pittsburgh was either for the Penguins or the Steelers. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Browns fan," the child replied.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little jerk from Ohio kills beloved family pet!"

A Bengals fan walks into a sports bar with his dog. The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The Bengals fan says "Please, he's a real avid Bengals fan and our TV just broke. He's never missed a game."

The bartender relents and the guy and his dog find a place right in front of the big screen. Halfway through the third quarter, the Bengals score a field goal. The dog goes crazy! He's chasing his tail, rolling over, doing flips and generally going wild. The bartender says, "Wow, what's he do if they score a touchdown?"

The Bengals fan replies, "How should I know? I've only had the dog for four years."

A Steeler fan and a Titan fan were on death row awaiting their time to be executed. The warden asked them what they would like to be their last request. The Steeler fan said, "I want a 60 inch TV and a VCR so I can watch all of the Steelers' Super Bowl victories just one last time."

The warden asked the Titan fan what he would like for his last request. The Titan fan replied, "JUST TAKE ME NOW!"

Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon -- a Cowboys fan, a Packers fan, a Browns fan, and a Steelers fan. They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them was the most "die-hard" fan.

Upon reaching the top of the mountain the Cowboys fan proclaimed to the other four, "This is for the Dallas Cowboys!" and promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice.

Not to be outdone by a Cowboys fan, the Packers fan jumped up and said, "This is for the Green Bay Packers!" and then threw himself off the mountain again as a form of sacrifice.

Refusing to be outdone by the Cowboy and Packer fans, the Steelers fan rose to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs "This is for the Pittsburgh Steelers!" and without any hesitation, pushed the Cleveland Browns fan off the mountain.

Bernie Kosar died and went to heaven. God said, "Bernie, I am a great football fan so I am giving you a great honor. You will have your own house here in heaven." God showed him a modest house with a small Browns flag in the window. Bernie was pleased until he looked up the hill and saw a massive black and gold mansion, with terrible towels in every window and a huge Steeler flag outside.

Bernie said, "God, I don't like to complain, but how come I have such a small house and Terry Bradshaw has such a big mansion?" God replied, "That is not Bradshaw's house! That's where I live."

Albert Einstein is at a cocktail party, he runs into one man, and Albert asks "What is your IQ?" The man replies "190" Einstein says "Excellent... we can talk about quantum physics, aeronautical science and other topics."

They talk for a while and Einstein moves on. He comes to a young lady and says "Hello, what's your IQ?" The lady replies "140". Albert says "Great, we talk about politics, current events and other things". They talk for a while and Einstein moves onto another guy.

Albert says "Hi, what's your IQ?" The man stares back at him blankly and says "62" Einstein replies "How 'bout those Bengals?"

A man was in Tennessee and was talking with Jeff Fisher. He looks to his left and sees a red phone and asks what that is.

"That is the phone line to God, and it will cost you one thousand dollars."

The man thought to himself and realized that he could get all the picks for the games that week correct and decides to pay the money and call God.

That Sunday, he gets all the picks right and wins big money. The next week, he is in Minnesota and sees the same red phone and asks Denny Green if that is the phone line to God and Denny says it is and it will cost him one thousand dollars. Since he won so big last week, he pays the money again and wins tons of dough.

The next week he is in Pittsburgh and sees that same red phone. He asks Bill Cowher about it and Bill tells him it is the phone line to God and it will cost him 35 cents. The man, very upset, tells Bill that he just paid one thousand dollars in both Tennessee and Minnesota and wants to know why it is so cheap in Pittsburgh.

"Well, here in Pittsburgh," Bill explains, "it's a local call!"

There was a Steelers' fan sitting high in the stands behind the end zone. Looking around, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line behind the Steelers' bench.

Thinking to himself "what a waste," he made his way towards it. When he arrived, he asked the folks on either side , "Is this seat taken?"

One person shrugged but the other replied, "This was my wife's seat. She was a Steeler's fan for fifty years but she's passed away."

The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear that. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"

The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."

04/24/08